The Dream Is Dead

We made it to Istanbul, but was this trip a success?

We’ve made it to Istanbul!

Tanned and tired.

But why is the dream dead?

A few years ago, we took Avvai's mother to Mexico. Apparently her dream was to climb the Temple of the Moon, a big pyramid outside the city. This is difficult for her because of a disabled leg that makes all stairs very challenging. The Temple of the Moon is beautiful, but the ancient (and modern) Mexicans have not build a wheelchair ramp up it.

Despite this, she attempted the climb anyways. Her process was to roll her whole body up the stair, then hoist herself up and crawl to the next one like a reverse slinky.

It was inspiring to see.

She didn't reach the top. She only made it to the first ledge, but as she stood there, triumphantly looking out over the ancient Teotihuacan ruins, she proudly declared the words that have become famous in our house:

“The Dream Is Dead”.

She then slowly butt climbed down the stairs.

The big similarity in both cases is a sore butt.

The same words came to me when we rolled into Istanbul. It was dark when we arrived and the traffic and smog hid the famous landmarks, but it still felt like we'd achieved our dream. It had been born, lived to the fullest, and was now finished. The dream was dead.

We all know the feeling that comes after we achieve something. Sadly it’s not a lasting contentment that ensures complete happiness — it’s a fleeting joy that is quickly subsumed by whatever we have to do next.

This is why humans invented celebrations. We need to artificially create markers of achievement.

Like this map that shows the entire route!

Avvai and I celebrated by getting a huge meal and sleeping in the next day.

WHY DID WE DO ALL THIS?

At the start of this trip I was quite concerned with figuring out the “why” of my trip. I wanted the journey to be meaningful, which to me usually means Creative or Useful. 

My biggest idea was that it could become a book. Perhaps something that would encourage people to expand their comfort zones. My other idea was to simply support Avvai’s dream of biking really far.

That’s one supported looking Avvai!

In the world of movies, everything becomes clear at the end of the film. The hero chooses love or selfishness, or we learn that "the real treasure is the friends we meet along the way”. I was kind of hoping this journey would be similar — we’d roll into Istanbul and everything would wrap itself up nicely before the credits roll.

Of course that didn’t happen. Instead we limped into our hostel and fell asleep. I didn’t feel like I’d learned anything except to take the metro into Istanbul if you come by bike.

AND THEN THE NEXT DAY I REALIZED THAT I DID LEARN A LOT ALONG THE WAY

In real life it’s up to us to figure out the meanings of things. There also isn’t just one tidy lesson at the end of each adventure — instead you learn a whole bunch of little things each time you breach your comfort zone.

Which happened a lot on this trip.

BUT FIRST LETS GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING

The question of “why” and expectations has plagued me from the beginning of this trip. Below is an excerpt from four months ago (this is like a flashback scene!). As expected, it’s cute to look back and see what has changed.

My goal: To survive the trip and get home.

Unfortunately there is also a rule in storytelling that the hero usually doesn’t get what they want at the end.

Or they get it but they also learn something about themselves that renders it null. Frodo destroys the ring but he is too worldly to go back to the Shire. Shrek doesn’t want his lonely old swamp anymore now that he has friends. In almost all great stories (and in one great song), the character doesn’t get what they want, but they do get what they NEED.

Most likely I’ll get something that I never could have guessed. I’ll learn and grow in a way that I need… while never being able to prepare for it.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

First, this trip was literally life changing. Second, I was right. I never could have guessed how I’d grow.

I don’t think it was a waste of time trying to prepare for these lessons, but I’m glad I didn’t bet any money on them!

A FEW LIFE CHANGING LESSONS

BIKING GIVES YOU FREEDOM

Do you know how amazing it is to know I can get on a bike at any moment and bike anywhere? Today we are fed so many narratives about travel – you need a special backpack, you need goretex shoes, to visit certain places, blah blah blah. This falls apart quickly when you’re meeting people that are biking around the world on Costco bikes. Or walking across continents. And often they’re traveling for years on budgets comparable to Vancouver’s monthly rents.

Our walking friend, Sylas. On his way to India from England. Only 3 more years to go!

My life vision doesn’t involve sleeping outside for years, but it’s nice to know that if I need to I can always set out towards the rising sun and the chances are good I’ll get wherever I need to go eventually.

IT ACTUALLY MAY BE ABOUT THE FRIENDS YOU MEET ALONG THE WAY

Almost all of the highlights of this trip have come through meeting people.

Even the most incredible nature spots have been enhanced when paired with a kind or inspiring stranger. We biked along the most beautiful river I’ve ever seen, which was obviously great, but my memory peaks when we met a man who let us stay in his backyard alongside the river, sharing cake and wine deep into the night.

Or the many gas station guys who violently flagged us down to offer us coffee, which is much more memorable than the rolling wheat fields outside.

The landmarks of our trip have (almost) all been people and conversations. We’ve been super lucky to meet tons of people who challenge our conception of what life could be and how the world works. From the Lebanese guy in our hostel who can’t go home, to the Slovakian family who biked with their three kids (all under 6). They literally make up the map of our journey.

The other landmarks have been moments where I was really afraid or almost died. So I guess it’s about the friends AND the life-threatening occasions.

HISTORY IS INTERESTING

It took me 33 years and visiting 50 countries to learn that history can be fascinating. This was made clear in the Balkans, which has been the cornerstone of both World Wars so far. Biking through bombed out ruins and active minefields gives rise to a certain curiosity.

Walking through the Acropolis in Athens, or taking part in prayer with the Muslims, or even hearing about the impact of the Ottoman empire from 6 perspectives in 6 countries. It all came alive for the first time.

This is great, because there is a lot of history out there. I feel like I finally have the edge pieces of the puzzle and can start putting together the full history of the world, instead of my previous feeling of everything being jumbled up in one big boring box.

I’M AN ANXIOUS PERSON APPARENTLY

Avvai has said it many times, but I never really believed her. But just to make sure I wasn’t a “worrier”, I picked up Dale Carnegie’s “How To Stop Worrying & Start Living”. 

It took one chapter to change my life. At the risk of sounding like someone self diagnosing on TikTok, I guess I have anxiety! Never before has a clearer mirror been held up. It was shocking to look back at my life and realize how many opportunities or moments I’d missed or sabotaged because I was anxious about them. As I biked that day it felt like a miracle I’d achieved anything in my life at all.

Luckily, Dale Carnegie followed up this first chapter with a huge book of solutions.

It turns out that biking is a great place to work on this kind of growth. You’ve got tons of anxiety inducing situations and a lot of time to reflect on your reaction to them! I was able to apply Carnegie’s wisdom to everything from traffic to weather to camping sites. It was like language immersion, except that I was constantly having to apply the anti-anxiety tools over and over again.

There is no use worrying about flat tires because they’re going to happen no matter what.

And now I’m cured!

Well, no, obviously it’s not that easy. But everything has gotten easier since reading that book. I’m more conscious of the ways I want to let fear/anxiety stop me from moving forward in multiple areas of my life. And I’ve got a huge book of solutions to help me forward!

CHANGE YOURSELF, CHANGE THE WORLD

We were lucky to meet a lot of inspiring people on this trip. They tended to have one philosophy in common: They were never trying to be inspiring. 

Instead, they had focused on improving themselves. As a result they had become more open, hospitable, and loving people (which is usually why they were hosting us grubby bikers). I know this because I asked them about their philosophies and what they thought about changing the world. The overwhelming narrative was always, “We can only change ourselves”.

The irony is that by having that conversation they were changing my life. I would come away inspired to grow, push my boundaries, and show hospitality to people. I wanted to become more like them.

So yeah, change yourself and you just may change the world.

AVVAI’S LESSONS

And now a very special segment straight from the woman herself, Avvai!!!!!!

Going on a bike trip feels like traveling before smartphones and internet. It feels like a true adventure where you have to problem solve and figure things out by talking to people around you and not rely on apps to solve your problems and your needs.

I thought I'd have a lot of profound thoughts letting my mind wander and biking all day, but maybe I'm just a simple person because all I thought about was: what am I going to eat tonight, where are we going to sleep, how far do we have to go.

The people you meet along the way are what makes the trip and to try to do more of that even when we're traveling without a bike.

Getting a bike fit was life changing.

And if you bring a portable stove you can cook anywhere!

Wow. Thanks for chipping in, Avvai.

WE LEARNED A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF TOO

But most importantly, I learned that nobody cares that you biked to Istanbul so you better not do it for the parade at the end. Because there will not be one.

These people are not gathered to celebrate your successful bike trip. They are praying to Allah. This is very different.

AND WILL THERE BE A BOOK ABOUT THIS?

Despite my initial thoughts, I was able to be very creative on this trip. I wrote quite a bit, filmed a lot, and even animated. I’m not sure if I’ll compile it into a book, but I’ve definitely got the material. I guess it depends on how busy things get when we go back to Vancouver.

There are so many amazing stories, and I want to share them here, but I guess this newsletter has turned into the very special “reflection episode”. Stories will return next week.

I set out to have a life changing adventure and I was delivered a life changing adventure.

I got what I wanted: to survive.

And I also got what I needed: to grow.

The dream is dead. Long live the next dream.

Until next time,

Kyle & Avvai